Damn Hindsight…

For walking as long as this
In the storms of sand and lost time
There would seem to be things that are lost in rhyme
And emotions I would miss…

Yet the words never mattered
To anyone but me
For these were fallen standards only I could see
All in a past left torn and tattered.

For she I wrote for is no more
And neither will she remain;
A heart so cleanly cleft in twain
Behind a closed and barred-tight door.

I left my pen and burned the paper
And tossed aside the writing table,
To walk as far as I was able:
To allow my memories to taper…

Now what is left to write for?
What is the value of such poetic currency?
Was all it was just held in memory?
Would it become nothing more?

And yet the words hold true…
As words would ever be:
The memory that is she –
The me still held by you.

Damn hindsight anyway:
As it laughs, as it knows,
There will always be her rhythmic prose.
As the desert falls away.

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Getting Personal

I viewed your video on bullying and what’s wrong with America today.  I have to say I’m a bit disappointed.  I thought you might start out with an apology, a heartfelt apology to those you bullied in middle school.  I mean, since you perpetuated what you think is wrong in our society, shouldn’t you take the first steps in helping to fix it?

You and your close friends in middle school started bullying me and my close friends in middle school starting in the sixth grade and it didn’t let up, not one single day, until we left to attend high school in the ninth grade.  You and your friends were merciless.  One of them even tried to pretend to like me enough to want to date me, just to see if I really was the whore you and your girlfriends said I was.  I wasn’t.

I was quiet, shy…

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Just Breathe Baby

Getting Personal

“Just breathe baby, breathe through it, put your head back and let your airways open.  Breathe baby.”  She kept repeating this over and over.  “you’re going to be okay, breathe baby.” We were ten and some girls were making fun of me.  I had let it get it to me.

My tears stopped and my breathing evened out.  She said “the secret to stopping crying is to breathe through it, you stare straight ahead, open your airways, and breathe.  Don’t even let them see you do it.”

I practiced and with some work I got it down.  She was right.  No one ever saw me cry again.  No one ever had that power over me again, no matter how badly they hurt me.  I never wanted anyone to think I wasn’t strong and capable.  So what she taught me that day was so valuable to me.  She taught me to…

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Wouldn’t Do It

Getting Personal

Wouldn’t, shouldn’t, couldn’t.

I’ll see you again some day. Be ready to square up then.

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She Never Wanted To Be A Desert…

love (5)The sand never agreed with her.
The sand never does.
It is golden and mysterious,
But so dry and plain…
Two things she will NEVER BE.

The sky above held whispers in the wind,
But she is so much more than a whisper ever will be.
Because there are mysteries hidden…
Yet she is not one of them:
She is separate and apart
From what any would call a mystery.
She is a puzzle box
That has yet to be opened,
And far too beautiful to break its seal.

She holds the noonday sun
Set in the sapphires overhead
In its own jeweled world
While remembering the reason it sails overhead
Is not for her own beauty
Which transcends
But for the world’s
Which o’er-reaches

She is compared so often
Far too often
Much too often
For she is the desert
But is still so much more than this

She is the rain that brings flowers
She is the sun that brings growth
She is the sudden sprout of greenery
She is the earth from which it grows
She is the sky that is light or dark or grayish in-betweens

But more than this

She is she
Herself

Nothing to be compared to nature
Nor treasures
Nor phenomena

Oh, to be sure
She is all of these
But she is her OWN nature
Her OWN treasure
And most certainly a phenomena
Of a million undiscovered colors

Do not compare her
For she is not a desert
She is the world

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The Silver Of Her Smile

hersmileThere is a treasure she holds
Whenever her heart speaks
I see a glimmer that outshines all else
And certainly in wordless moments
She is the beauty that is incendiary
She is the subtlety that resonates
She is the soft sigh that fills night with mystery
And there
In the silver of her smile
I find a wealth that enriches me so
Gold has no comparison
Jewels cannot match
I would look at her smile forever
And see new treasure every day
So let me bask in her happiness
No matter what she shares
Even a moment’s smile
Is a lifetime’s silver

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Surrendering

confettiLike the cheering crowds that dwindle
After the parade has passed
The banners have all been taken down
And confetti has been cast
I surrender

Like morning time that fades its light
Once serving its full purpose
As nighttime reigns in satin splendor
All but to usurp us
I surrender

Like morning bird does cease its song
Once man has made his presence
Nature drowned by cacophony
Chaos in omnipresence
I surrender

I surrender to the notion
That I could make a change
To see that earth could inasmuch
By a plethora of ange

I surrender to the cosmos
That drew me from its dust
That tells me but to join it
That tells me that I must

I surrender to the feeling
Buried deep within
That tells me love will overcome
Yet that I must begin

I surrender to the needy
Who struggle, yet survive
To give to them in time of need
Keeping humanity alive

Not to gods or temples
Not to popular belief
But to living beings trying still
And to the turning leaf…

I surrender

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Night Claims Her

sleepingWith a whisper from the stars
Telling their every secret
That eternity has told them

In nighttime breeze that courses
To carry her from this sad clay earth
And upwards to the ether

Where swirling nothing presides
Cradling her aching body
To comfort her from this life

As music unheard by others
Drowns away a cacophony of madness
In crickets and bullfrogs

Daytime releases its grip
The working world evaporating
As the evening passes judgment

The lover she returns to
In velvet-gloved sangria
As nature has given its protection o’er

Nothing more vexes
As her eyes are closed in gentle surrender
In a dream of faeries, pixies and waterfalls

Night claims her
Night owns her
Night loves her

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I Will Never Have That Friendship

friendThe kind where someone gives themselves
With nothing else to lose
The kind where you will always stand
The only path to choose
The kind where they will be with you
And never fall aside
The kind where you’re their best of best
And will test the time & tide
I will never have that friendship

The kind from the beginning
That doesn’t have an end
The kind that weathers everything
That will not break nor bend
The kind you call to be with you
And they will run to be
The kind that takes your troubles
And sets your spirit free
I will never have that friendship

The kind that you share stores with
Where both of you will laugh
The kind that hears your sorrows
And gives heart more than half
The kind to heal your memories
With just a happy smile
The kind that drives the world away
The spend with them awhile
I will never have that friendship

I will never have that friendship
For I had it once before
The loyalest of the loyal
The best forevermore
We were there for each other
And stood forever strong
We were there from the beginning
A bond forever long

Then one day he grew too old
And faltered in his sight
His gait was slowing far too much
His mind taken by the night
He could not lift his head
He could not hear me call
He could only look and smile
For he had gave his all

I lost my friend one day
One who was always there
One who left my side
To play in meadows fair
There never was another
And will never be again
Because he was the only one
The best of any friend

So you’ll please forgive me
If I have to look away
From other friends and soulmates
On this finest sun-filled day
The ones who share in happiness
Who manage each one’s strike
Who romp and play and while away
This thing that we call life

For I will never have that friendship

Not again

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We’re All Monsters

monsterThe ones that lurk under beds

The ones that hide in closets

The ones that crouch in shadows

The ones we imagine will be our deaths

Hidden away in pages of a book

Like dried brittle rose petals long since dead

Between words we no longer understand

We never see it coming

Instead living a life oblivious to it all

But the truth is right there

In front of us

Reflected in mirrors

That dislike what they see

As much as we do

We’re all monsters

In varying degrees

We refuse to help our fellow man

We turn a blind eye to needs of others

We look straight ahead

Pretending the horizon of the coming day is better

Better than the day we live in now

That consists of shadows and smoke

Of fogs and pitch-black night

Of broken allegiances and hearts strewn to the streets

With our muddy, blood-streaked fingerprints over them

All but signing our names to our own despair

We’re all monsters

Whether we admit it or not

Tragic, pitiful beasts

That hide our own faces

And despair of our own fates

More than that of others

In far far greater need than we

Some nights I lay awake

In mocking nighttime

Without the courage to look beneath my bed

To find myself staring back

Tears running down my face

Begging to be released from my own nightmares

We’re all monsters

Perhaps one day

We’ll be the ones

Who slay these beasts

And free ourselves

 

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